If you’re neurodivergent, you might know what it’s like to feel conflicted internally. One part of you wants to say no, but another says “just keep the peace, fit in.” Especially for those of us who are AuDHD (autistic and ADHD) like myself, you might often find that one part is exhausted, while another keeps pushing. You might feel chaotic, inconsistent, or like you’re too much, or not enough.

But what if that inner conflict wasn’t something to fix?

What if it was something to befriend?

That’s where parts work comes in a way of understanding your inner world that helps you move from confusion to compassion. As a therapist I like to introduce parts work to my clients where it resonates, and I find it pairs well with the neurodivergent affirming approach that treats neurodivergence as a difference rather than a disorder that needs fixing.

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What Is Parts Work?

Parts work, including models like Internal Family Systems (IFS), sees us not as one fixed identity, but as being made up of many inner (psychological) parts. These parts can be beliefs, emotions, memories, or protective strategies. They each developed for a reason and often they emerged to help us avoid rejection and keep us safe.

This approach isn’t about pathologising. It’s about honouring the complexity of being human, especially if you’ve spent a lifetime navigating a world not built for your brain.

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Why It Helps Neurodivergent Folks

For ND people, parts work often clicks in a way other models don’t. Here’s why:

• • You’ve had to adapt a lot. Many ND people have masked, over-functioned, or shut down just to get through daily life. That leaves a system full of protection which is bracing for rejection and misunderstanding.

• • You may experience internal conflict intensely. ADHDers and autistic people often have big feelings, multiple perspectives, and a tendency to ruminate or loop. Naming these feelings as parts can bring clarity.

• • Self-compassion can feel foreign. When you’ve grown up being misunderstood or told you’re wrong, it’s hard to offer yourself kindness. Parts work gives you a bridge: you don’t have to love all of you yet, the idea is first that you just get curious with what is going on.

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A Simple Starting Point

You don’t need a therapist to begin exploring your parts. Here’s a couple of things to try:

1. Reframe your inner dialogue.
If you catch yourself thinking something like, “I’m going to screw this up,” try adding:
“A part of me feels that” e.g. “A part of me feels that I’m going to screw this up.”
It might sound small, but this shift starts to create space between you and the thought, reminding you that it’s not the whole of you speaking. (And thoughts aren’t facts, after all, we can let them exist without it having to mean anything.)

2. Get curious about strong feelings.
When something big shows up (e.g. overwhelm, shutdown, people-pleasing, rage) gently ask:

• • “What part of me is present now?”

• • “Where do I feel it in my body?”

• • “What does it want me to know or need from me?”

You might not get clear answers at first, and that’s okay. The act of asking itself is meaningful as you are starting to pay attention to the part rather than suppressing it. You can use the parts check in as a quick guide below. 

Even small moments of curiosity can soften the inner noise and build trust within your system, one part at a time.

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A Note on Safety

If this feels too much, that’s okay. Some ND people (especially those with trauma, PDA profiles, or complex internal worlds) may need to go slowly. You don’t have to go deep, sometimes just noticing is enough.

You might say:

“I can feel you there. I don’t have to change you. But I’m willing to get to know you, if you’re ready.”

For Therapists Working With ND Clients

If you’re a therapist, parts work can be a beautiful, respectful way to explore identity, masking, rejection sensitivity, and trauma with neurodivergent clients.

Working with a neurodivergent affirming lens means:

• • Recognising that many ‘protective’ behaviours make perfect sense in context.

• • Making space for a client’s internal system without judgement.

• • Supporting clients to reconnect with parts they’ve masked or disowned.

• • Avoiding the impulse to fix, correct, or integrate too quickly, instead, offering space, trust, and time.

In my upcoming book, Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy: Rethinking Approaches for Autistic and ADHD Clients (JKP, May 2026), I explore how different modalities and approaches can be adapted and deepened to support Autistic and ADHD clients with more nuance and care.