Autistic and ADHD individuals face a heightened risk of victimisation and abuse, yet many neurodivergent survivors struggle to recognise the signs. This article explores why identifying abuse can be uniquely challenging for autistic and ADHD individuals.

While research is still limited, a recent meta-analysis on victimisation among autistic adults (Trundle et al., 2022) reveals that 40% reported sexual victimization, 16% reported childhood abuse, and 84% reported experiencing more than one form of victimisation. Similarly, a 2023 study found that individuals with ADHD are at an elevated risk of involvement in cases of violence, including Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) and sexual violence (Arrondo et al., 2023)

Several factors contribute to this increased vulnerability among autistic and ADHD individuals, including trauma histories, challenges in reading neurotypical social cues, experiences of gaslighting, difficulty identifying personal needs, masking, and people-pleasing tendencies. These factors not only increase risk but also complicate the recognition of abusive behaviours.

Identifying the signs of abuse

Searching online for early warning signs of domestic abuse or coercive behaviour yields lists of indicators, such as feeling as if you’re “walking on eggshells,” doubting your own opinions in favour of your partner’s, experiencing low self-esteem, persistent worry, and struggling to predict your partner’s behaviour. However, for many autistic or ADHD individuals, these feelings may already be a familiar part of their daily experiences. Simply navigating a predominantly neurotypical world can lead to chronic stress, a constant sense of worry, and difficulty interpreting others’ behaviours. Masking can often mean that neurodivergent people give up their own opinions and adapt to those around them. This tendency to suppress their own needs can make it harder to recognise similar patterns within a relationship.

The concept of “safety” can also be complicated. Many neurodivergent individuals grow up with a persistent baseline of anxiety—whether due to social situations, sensory challenges, or new environments. Yet, they’re often told by others (parents, teachers, friends) that these situations are safe, leading to a conflicted sense of what “safe” truly feels like. Years of being assured that their feelings are overreactions can create deep uncertainty about their instincts.

So, in intimate relationships, when neurodivergent individuals already feel accustomed to getting things “wrong” or second-guessing themselves, it becomes even more difficult to identify when something is truly unhealthy or abusive. This complex relationship with trust, safety, and self-doubt makes recognising abuse more challenging than it might be for neurotypical individuals.

For a more in depth look at the intersection between domestic abuse and neurodivergence, take a look at my online webinar available in the training section now.

Amy is the founder and lead counsellor at Newglade. Newglade provides a range of specialist neurodivergent services including in person and online counselling, parent support, professional training and therapist support/supervision. Amy is also the creator of Neuro Cards© – a unique tool to explore neurodivergent traits and experiences. Please contact us for more information.