Perhaps you’ve recently discovered that your child might be Autistic, ADHD, Dyslexic, Dyspraxic, or another form of neurodivergence. Or maybe you’re already partway through this journey and are searching for more affirming, supportive approaches than the traditional ‘disorder-based’ view of neurodivergence. Read on for more from Amy, an Autistic, ADHD therapist.

Parenting a neurodivergent child is a journey full of questions: How do I navigate the assessment process? Do we need to seek a diagnosis at all? What are the best ways to work with my child’s school to secure the right support? And how can I help my child manage meltdowns and feel regulated at home?

If these questions resonate with you, you’re not alone. Many parents and carers of Autistic, ADHD and otherwise neurodivergent children feel uncertain about where to begin, especially when juggling the needs of their child with the complexities of school systems and emotional well-being.

At the heart of my work is a neurodivergent-affirming approach. This means rejecting the outdated medical model that views autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergencies as disorders. Instead, I embrace the neurodiversity paradigm—the belief that neurodivergence is a natural and valuable variation of human diversity.

Through this lens, I help clients integrate their neurodivergent traits by releasing shame and building self-compassion and self-esteem. When you understand that you’re not broken—but rather navigating a world not built for you—it becomes easier to accept yourself, honour your needs, and move forward without shame.

For parents, one of the most common questions I hear is: Does my child need a diagnosis? The answer isn’t straightforward and depends on your child’s unique situation. While a diagnosis isn’t always necessary, it can often unlock access to accommodations, reasonable adjustments at school, and even benefits or support services. Within a neurodivergent-affirming approach, we recognise that the medical model can sometimes play a key role in helping your child thrive.

Ultimately the decision will need to be made depending on the needs of your child. For more on diagnosis take a look at my article called “Navigating Neurodivergence: Do I Need a Diagnosis” . My other article “Diagnosis/Assessment, what now?” might be a helpful starting point also.

At School or College

Many Autistic, ADHD, Dyslexic, Dyspraxic or otherwise neurodivergent children may struggle at school for a number of reasons. For some the difficulties lie more in academic work, for others it’s in the multitude of expectations that schools and the social life surrounding it places on them. Some will mask their difficulties and others will display more outward signs of difficulty. As a parent this can be heart-breaking to see your child in distress or with high anxiety and, if you’ve never done it before, navigating the system to get your child’s needs met can be really confusing also.

Some tips for supporting your child with schools:

• • Get to know your school’s SENCO (Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator) and build a relationship. They will be the key person who will be able to advise you on your child’s needs within school.

• • Ensure you make the school aware of what is happening at home as, particularly where children are masking at school, they may not notice any issues.

• • For children who need more support than is typically available through the SENCO you may want to consider looking into formalising support and perhaps applying for an EHCP (Education, Health and Care Plan). Your local SENDIAS can provide helpful free support.

• • Be the safe space for them at home. When school is stressful, home can be a place for rest and recovery.

At Home – Regulation

At home you can help by co-regulating with your child. If you are calm, this will have a calming affect on them so ensure you check in with your own emotions before talking to them. If they are having a meltdown or shutdown, they will not response to rewards, punishment or incentive. You need to help them to regulate first before you start to offer solutions.

Ways you can help them regulate:

• • Keeping Calm/Softening tone

• • Validate their feelings

• • Reduce demands

• • Reduce other sensory stimuli

• • Open up the conversation – after they are regulated.

This can be scary for parents and carers to navigate and it can often feel like you don’t know which way to turn.

That’s why I’ve created a comprehensive online workshop designed specifically for parents and carers of neurodivergent children. With insights into affirming language, the neurodiversity paradigm, how to navigate the school system and tips for supporting and advocating for your child. If you’re looking for practical, affirming strategies that work, this course could be the support you’ve been searching for – see below.

Other Related Articles:

See my article called “Navigating Neurodivergence: Do I Need a Diagnosis”.  “Diagnosis/Assessment, what now?” might also be helpful.